Michael and I celebrated our one year wedding anniversary a week ago.
I still can’t believe one year has gone by since we said our “I dos” to each other.
And what a year it has been!
We honeymooned in Portugal.
Sold our condo.
Bought a house.
Spent 6 weeks in Australia & New Zealand.
And just started a kitchen renovation.
We have been through a lot of stress-invoking situations (buying/selling a house, travel, spending lots of money…LOL!) but survived it…with grace.
And the reality is, we’ve only known each other for 3 years. We had been together 2 years and a day by the time we got married. So there are still things we are learning about each other. All the little habits. The day-to-day stuff that no one else gets to see.
As I reflect upon why this has been working so well (because it truly has!), here are a few things that come to mind that I feel are contributing to our continued wedded bliss:
- Do stuff together. Be active. Travel.
We both LOVE traveling and take every opportunity we can to explore new places. Both of us having a teacher’s schedule certainly has its perks! I love bonding over the experiences we have when we travel, whether it be internationally or domestically. But whatever it is we are doing, whether it be travel or lounging around watching Netflix and drinking wine, our relationship is at its best when we have that quality time.
- Do stuff apart.
This is also super important. For both of us. But for Mrs. Introvert over here, I replenish best when I am alone. As much as I love my husband, sometimes I just don’t want to talk (to anyone!) and need peace and quiet. At the same time, we still keep up with the things we used to do before we met. I think that is equally important, if not more so at times. You don’t have to do everything together. A sense of autonomy and being “you” outside of the relationship is so so important. And healthy.
- Keep your traditions. Have rituals.
One of our long-standing dating rituals was (and still is) “date night”. We spent weekends together and chose one night during the week to have date night so we could see each other. And we still keep up with that tradition. It’s a great way to reconnect in the middle of the week and also ensures that we get that quality time together. Because there is always “stuff” to do that can get in the way of spending time together.
- Share responsibilities.
For our 3rd date, my husband invited me over to his place to cook me dinner. He admits that he was trying to impress me that night. And he absolutely did. But I came away from it thinking “I will never cook for this man. Ever.” And I haven’t. LOL! He cooks, I clean. That’s our “deal”. Though we help each other out with the cleaning (we are home owners now!) and other responsibilities.
- Hang out with people whose presence both you and your partner mutually enjoy and respect.
Find your marriage tribe. The people you both enjoy hanging out with. Whether it’s a group of friends or other couple friends you can double date with. There’s nothing like surrounding yourself with people who love and care for you both and respect the commitment you’ve made to each other.
- Talk about stuff.
Make sure you have an open line of communication. My husband will openly admit that I am a little better at bringing stuff up if something is bothering me (this has taken me years of lesson-learning through mistakes!). Though my one downfall is timing. I’m not always the best at that. LOL. But our open communication and ability to talk about anything and feel supported is what has kept our connection so strong. Those uncomfortable conversations. Talking about how we feel and why we feel that way (without blame or finger pointing) has continued to strengthen our bond and bring us closer together.
- Laugh. Be silly.
My husband is very silly. Sillier than I am. But in his eyes I am quite weird. So we laugh. A LOT. With each other. At each other. It keeps things light and easy. Even in the serious moments.
- Take care of yourself. Take care of each other.
In order for you to be your best for your spouse, you need to take care of you first. Again, not always my forte, but something I am getting better at. And he can read me so well now. A perfect example: he knows that a packed weekend full of social commitments will leave me feeling depleted rather than replenished. So we find a nice balance of socializing and “doing nothing-ness” which leaves Mr. Extrovert and Mrs. Introvert happy and balanced.
Love is ever evolving. I can’t wait to see what our second year of marriage brings!
Do what makes you happy.