It’s a week away from Halloween, and it’s been quite some time since I’ve written. Life has been life-ing, as it tends to do. And apparently, I’ve been too busy trying to keep up to write about it.
As most of you know, I’m back in the classroom and still trying to get my sea legs. Whenever someone asks how things are going being back at school, my answer is usually a quick, “Good overall!” And that’s the truth. But there’s a whole lot of nuance packed into those two little words.
Yes, it feels good to be back in the classroom. And yes, I’m also feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated. AND happy and fulfilled. Turns out, two things can be true at once. Who knew?
I was reflecting on all of this with a friend recently, and she put something into words that really resonated with me. My nervous system has gone through a pretty big adjustment. For the past several years, I’ve been home with my son. My days had their own kind of chaos, of course, but now I’m in an elementary school music classroom with 25+ students at a time. There’s noise. There’s talking. There’s movement. There are approximately 47 things happening at once, and somehow I’m supposed to be the person keeping it all together.
And it’s not just the noise. It’s the emotional energy, too.
Students who need you. Students who aren’t listening. Students who trigger you. Conflicts to navigate. Conversations to redirect. Questions to answer. And, of course, the talking. THE TALKING. All the time.
It’s … a lot.
I’ve realized that I’m spending a fair amount of energy regulating my own nervous system throughout the day. Not because anything is wrong, but because this is a big change. And new things, even good ones, take adjustment. The truth is, I really am enjoying being back in the classroom. I love teaching music, and I’m happy to be doing what I’m doing. I’m also trying to give myself a little grace while I find my footing.
Because it’s easy to think, You’ve been teaching for 17 years. You’re not a “new” teacher.
Except… sometimes I feel like one.
And you know what? That’s OK.
Because in a lot of ways, I am new. I’m new to these students. I’m still getting to know them, learning their personalities, figuring out what makes them tick, and getting a feel for the culture of the school. I’m learning what they know, what they’re willing to do, what they’re ready for, and what I need to teach them next.
I’m also learning that the beautiful lesson plan I spent time putting together might need to be thrown out the window five minutes into class because my students are just not ready for it that day. And need to practice entering the room. AGAIN. (Teachers, you know EXACTLY what I mean)
Sometimes the lesson goes as planned. Sometimes you pivot. And sometimes you pivot so many times that you’re not entirely sure what lesson you just taught. But everyone made it through, and you try again tomorrow.
That’s teaching. And, honestly, that’s life, too.
So, if you find yourself in a season where something feels both familiar and unfamiliar, give yourself some room to figure it out. Maybe you’re returning to a job after time away. Maybe you’ve been doing something for years but suddenly find yourself in a new environment. Maybe you’re just trying to get your sea legs after a change you wanted but didn’t fully anticipate.
You can be grateful for where you are and still find it challenging to be there.
You can be good at something and still have a lot to learn.
And you can have 17 years of experience and still feel like you’re figuring it all out. (Ask me how I know.)
We spend so much time expecting ourselves to hit the ground running, to adjust quickly, and to know what we’re doing. But life doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes we need a little time to settle in, find our rhythm, and remind ourselves that we don’t have to have it all figured out just yet.
So that’s where I am right now. Finding my sea legs, taking things one day at a time, and reminding myself that it’s OK to be a work in progress.
Turns out, you can know what you’re doing and still have absolutely no idea what you’re doing.
If you’re in a similar season, I hope you’ll give yourself that same space and grace.