If you have been reading my blog the past few months, you will know that I am a huge Mel Robbins fan. I think I got hooked when I heard her being interviewed on another podcast and then went and checked out all her content (books and podcast). That was it for me. I am a lifelong fan. I appreciate her down-to-earth, no BS nature. She says things as they are with authenticity and vulnerability.
Anyway. (go check her out!) I happened upon one of her podcasts and it was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. It’s amazing how that happens! She talks about her “Let Them” Theory. Basically let “them” (fill in the blank … spouse, friend, sibling, annoying person who just cut you off in traffic) do whatever it is they want to do. Let them feel whatever it is they need to feel. It is soooooo liberating! Because it takes your hands off the steering wheel. You drop the oars. You’re not trying to CONTROL the situation.
Oof. Yes. Control. She dives into this topic big time.
For me, this concept coincided with a time when I was dealing with a sticky (and very stressful!) family situation. I just “let them” do what they needed to do, feel what they needed to feel. It was still uncomfortable, but I could feel this huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I wasn’t trying to intervene and change the situation. My peacemaker was screaming inside, but it took the stress off of trying to always be “fixing” things.
My parents felt disappointed in a decision that was made. Let them feel disappointed.
My husband is out doing stuff with our 2-year old son and it is now really delaying his afternoon nap. Let him.
Some stupid person is cutting me off in traffic (without a turn signal!) and speeding around other cars. Let them.
It can be used in all sorts of situations. Obviously, there are situations where you would not just “let them” do what they want to do. You need to stay safe and take care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. But overall, if you just let go of trying to control the situation, it takes the pressure off. People are going to do what they are going to do. People are going to feel what they are going to feel. Let go. Let them. And breathe a sigh of relief. (and listen to Mel’s podcast!)
“When you “Let Them” do whatever it is that they want to do, it creates more control and emotional peace for you and a better relationship with the people in your life.”
~Mel Robbins