Have you ever had a friend or family member that is just going through a really rough time? Like, their current circumstances just suck. They tell you all about it and it just sounds awful. You feel their pain and want to help, but there is nothing you can do or say that will make it any better.
I found myself in that situation recently where I was listening to a friend who was going through a really tough experience. It was fresh. They were in the muck of it, trying to sift through everything and figure out what they were feeling.
It’s hard, right? You want to be able to do something, say something, anything to alleviate their pain and suffering. But what they really need from you in the moment is just to hold space. To listen. To let them talk. To be present.
They don’t need to hear the “I’m sure there’s a lesson in this somewhere” or “They are in a better place now” or “In a few years this won’t feel like a big deal” or “You’ll be stronger for it in the end”. Those are all really nice things to say (and are most likely true), but sometimes that’s not what people need to hear when they are IN it. When they are IN the suck of it all. (I know for myself I’ll often feel like saying “F*** you! You have no idea what it feels like to be me right now!”)
Just be present. Often the hardest thing about holding space is that it can feel like you are doing nothing. But you are. You are sharing YOU by being there with them.
“Sometimes the most influential thing we can do is listen.”
~Bob Burg
How can you hold space for someone today? Remember you don’t always need to fill it with words.