My aunt passed away recently after a very long and painful illness.
I am filled with a lot of emotions.
Sadness. Grief. Relief.
But I know that I am not experiencing the same level of emotions that my mom (her sister), my uncle (her husband), or my cousin (her only daughter) are experiencing. I’m also realizing that talking and trying to find the “right” thing to say is not what they necessarily need right now. My husband lost both his parents and says it’s a “shitty club” to be a part of. (This concept of being part of a “shitty club” gives my cousin a little chuckle, for which I am grateful.)
As someone who is watching their loved ones grieve, it is all too tempting to slip into “words” in an attempt to alleviate the pain.
But that’s not what they need.
They need me to listen. To be present. To hear, see, and hold them in their grief and pain.
“Your presence is the most precious gift you can give to another human being.”
~Marshall B. Rosenberg
That’s all I can truly offer.
Someone who has experienced the death of a parent or spouse or sibling can relate and empathize on a whole other level.
I get that my cousin (really, my soul sister) can connect with my husband on a deeper level because he, too, has experienced the death of his mother.
And what a blessing to have someone be there with you in this “shitty club.”
I have experienced certain hardships in my life and find I get the most comfort from people who have been there (or are currently there) and can truly relate.
A lot of us are experiencing various hardships from this pandemic and/or the realities of just being human.
Listen.
Be present.
Don’t try to fill the space with chatter just because it makes you feel more comfortable.
Breathe into the space of silence and presence.
Remember to do what makes you happy.